Ego

Every guy has his own ego. I have mind but I can honestly say that it is not huge. I do not give a damn about my ego when I am talking to my angel. It is because I put down my ego just to talk to her.

I rather apologize to her than to make her sad. What she says I will listen. I am not a dog if some of you think I am but I am just doing it because I want her to be happy. I want to prove it to her that I am worth being with. There are many other ways to make her happy though but I just can't do those since I am too useless. What I have is ego and what I can throw away is also my ego.

Today I was pretty sad because I woke up around 10am hoping that I could just call her to wake her up. I called her from 10am until 2pm but she didn't pick up...I thought she was still sleeping but I was wrong. She was at college. Around 10:30pm she called me and I was really really happy that she called me but in the end it turned out to be she was sad. She asked me will I let her go again and my answer was never letting you go because I never let you go before. With my answer she was sad. I have no idea why she was sad. She didn't even want to talk to me although she uttered something. I asked her to repeat because I could not hear what she said but she didn't bother to repeat and just replied "nothing".

Angel please talk to me. I do not want you to keep quiet whenever there is problem or you are sad. I might not be helpful enough but I just want to comfort you. I have known you for more than 10 years. Whenever you are sad I know it instantly. I did not give up on holding you back when you left me. I did held you as strong as a vault. But I felt like I am controlling you. Therefore I let loose a bit so that I want you to have some freedom as well. Please do not think that I am not putting effort into this relationship. Sometimes you push me away although you want me to hold you back but I am afraid of hurting you when I am holding you back. I would just listen to you and just back off because I am afraid that I would lose you again! Angel you have no idea how sad is it to lose someone over and over again. It sucks and it hurts! I do not want to lose you.

I do feel sad too and I will share it with you. I want you to be the first to know everything inside my heart because you are important to me and you are someone special that I would share my problems with. No matter how sad I am, I will try my best to cheer you up angel. =)