My honey has decided to break up with him for once and for all but he did not want to let go. Seriously? He is not letting go of my honey? Why must he still hold on to her? My honey insist to be friends with him but he just do not want to let go of her. I am really very proud of her because she had made her decision. She knows what is best for her and I am very happy that I am the one who she has chosen. Unfortunately he will always be there to interfere. He is rich, handsome looking and not fat like me. What can a person like me do to have my honey? The answer is anything. As long as my honey wants me to be with her then I can do anything for her. I will make her happy, I will listen to her problems, I will stay with her until she sleeps and etc. I am very crazy for my honey but owh well, that is who I am. Loving her is what I want to show her and I will make sure she feels it.
Despite being loyal and loving to her, there are people who hates me. Her family members and certain "friends". I asked myself, "What have I done to them that I am being hated?" I have no idea. I really want to know the answer because it is not fair for me to be treated like that. I respect her family members but her mom hates me then with all the hateful feelings from her mom, now her dad hates me too. I have a name and it is Patrick. But her sister calls me "fei yeh" aka the fat one. I know I am fat but that does not mean that she could just address me that way. I respect them but they do not respect me at all. It really hurts my heart. I have parents too. I am not adopted, so why treat me with no respect? If my parents were to know about this, they would be heart broken as well knowing that their son is not being respected when he is respecting the girlfriend's family members. If I know someone is talking bad about my girlfriend, I will stand up for her and defend her because I do not like people gossiping or talking bad about her. I just hope that my girlfriend would do the same for me as well. Standing up for me and protecting me instead of listening to all those bad words about me when I did nothing. Some might think that I am self praising but hey~ God knows and I would not want to self praise myself. That would be too pathetic. People have eyes to see for themselves, I need not tell them I have done the good thing.
I will always have the broken heart as long as I know that they hate me for doing nothing wrong. Even though I have done something wrong, all I wanted was just an advice so that I could change instead of talking behind my back and hurt my feelings. I have tried talking to her parents but they just shut me off and ignore me. Sigh~ I am doing what I need to do and what I want to do to be happy with my honey. I need not please them but parents' blessing are important. Too bad I am not blessed by them. I am like the devil to them where I must be cast away and never be with her daughter forever. They are Christians, so am I and I know that God did not ask them to treat me that way. My honey may not know how I really feel but seriously it hurts me a lot but I am willing to forgive her parents and her family members because God taught me how to forgive and forget. I will not hate God's creation but I will be angry for those who uses God's name just to please themselves.
Nevertheless, I have faith with my honey because her decision is to be with me and I will support her always no matter what happens. It might take time but time is all I have. I do not mind waiting for the one I love. As long as she knows what she is doing then I am happy and proud of her =)
Tuesday 23 October 2012
Sunday 7 October 2012
Always In The Wrong But I Am Not Giving Up
I just do not get it why am I always in the wrong according to her. My honey says that I do not love her, says that I did not try to make her happy, and always blames me for scolding her. Whatever I say or do it is always scolding her when I did not. I really really feel that I am not treated fairly. I love her so much that I could do anything for her. But she blames me for scolding her although I did not. She will dig up the issue that I scolded her when she was rude to me. I am only teaching her the right stuff and not the wrong stuff. I was being accused for teaching her saying a harsh word when I did not. She learned that word from her friends and I was blamed by her mom and sister. Life treats me unfairly but all I want is just to be happy with her. When she is sad I will try my best to make her happy but when I am sad she would not try to make me happy. Instead she wants me to make her happy when I am sad. I do not mind because I tolerate. I give and take. I know she wants to be happy only but she doesn't know that I am also sad that I need her by my side just to cheer me up.
Nevertheless I am really down at times when she keeps on doing things that gets on my nerves. My honey might thinks that I always want to be right and always want to show off that I am the best. To be honest that is not what I am showing. I just want to be happy with her and not showing that I am always right and she is always wrong. I do make mistakes too but I just hope that my honey knows what she is doing. She cannot make other people sad just because she wants to be happy. I want to be happy with her but I always get the blame that I scold her. I admit I scolded her yesterday in a fatherly way because she was too rude to me and today she says that I only know how to scold her. Damn it breaks my heart. I do not know how to reply her because whatever I reply or text her is consider scolding. What have I done that I have to deserve this type of treatment?
She keeps on calling her ex sweet names and I do not like it. The only reason was because she is used to it. Okay she is used to it but that doesn't mean that she could continue on that habit. Does she knows that I am really sad and heart broken? I had enough of bullshit that her parents hate me for no reason, her elder sister too hates me. Seriously what have I done?! I did nothing to her family members. I even respected them and of course I respect my honey as well. But with all the respect that I have given, they treat me as a threat, as an enemy, as a bad person. I really do not know how to open my mouth to tell my honey to stop blaming me that I scold her. Why can't she just understand that I do not want to scold but only wanted respect when I am giving respect to them?! I do not need royal respect. My respect is just treating me good when I am treating them good. That's all I needed. Nothing more and nothing less. That is all I have wanted, needed and longed for it because I do not mind being a fool. I do not mind other people making use of me but as long as I do not think that is too much then it will be alright.
God I really wish that my honey will change her way of thinking. She says that she got phobia that I will scold her. I thought she knows me the best since we know each other for more than 10 years but then whatever she is saying is not who I am. She doesn't want to me scolded that is why she said that. Others might think that I am self praising but I am only loving her the way that I was not loved. I am not blaming my parents but it is because of them and some of the couples that I have seen and known changed me. I do not want to treat my honey badly or the way she is not suppose to be treated by a guy. I do what is best for my honey and I hope I am giving good example to the younger generation as well because nowadays young couples tend to break up just because of minor stuff. Another thing is that my brother is dating my honey's younger sister too and as a brother I should show good example.
My life with her is always full of surprises and often rough but I am sure that God will seek to it and lead us to a happy life one fine day. As long as I am alive, I am not giving up on her although she thinks of me as a monster that scolds her and although I am being treated unfairly by her family members. I admit that I am stupid and silly because I love her that's why. I am not giving up trying to make her happy despite she has the phobia.
Nevertheless I am really down at times when she keeps on doing things that gets on my nerves. My honey might thinks that I always want to be right and always want to show off that I am the best. To be honest that is not what I am showing. I just want to be happy with her and not showing that I am always right and she is always wrong. I do make mistakes too but I just hope that my honey knows what she is doing. She cannot make other people sad just because she wants to be happy. I want to be happy with her but I always get the blame that I scold her. I admit I scolded her yesterday in a fatherly way because she was too rude to me and today she says that I only know how to scold her. Damn it breaks my heart. I do not know how to reply her because whatever I reply or text her is consider scolding. What have I done that I have to deserve this type of treatment?
She keeps on calling her ex sweet names and I do not like it. The only reason was because she is used to it. Okay she is used to it but that doesn't mean that she could continue on that habit. Does she knows that I am really sad and heart broken? I had enough of bullshit that her parents hate me for no reason, her elder sister too hates me. Seriously what have I done?! I did nothing to her family members. I even respected them and of course I respect my honey as well. But with all the respect that I have given, they treat me as a threat, as an enemy, as a bad person. I really do not know how to open my mouth to tell my honey to stop blaming me that I scold her. Why can't she just understand that I do not want to scold but only wanted respect when I am giving respect to them?! I do not need royal respect. My respect is just treating me good when I am treating them good. That's all I needed. Nothing more and nothing less. That is all I have wanted, needed and longed for it because I do not mind being a fool. I do not mind other people making use of me but as long as I do not think that is too much then it will be alright.
God I really wish that my honey will change her way of thinking. She says that she got phobia that I will scold her. I thought she knows me the best since we know each other for more than 10 years but then whatever she is saying is not who I am. She doesn't want to me scolded that is why she said that. Others might think that I am self praising but I am only loving her the way that I was not loved. I am not blaming my parents but it is because of them and some of the couples that I have seen and known changed me. I do not want to treat my honey badly or the way she is not suppose to be treated by a guy. I do what is best for my honey and I hope I am giving good example to the younger generation as well because nowadays young couples tend to break up just because of minor stuff. Another thing is that my brother is dating my honey's younger sister too and as a brother I should show good example.
My life with her is always full of surprises and often rough but I am sure that God will seek to it and lead us to a happy life one fine day. As long as I am alive, I am not giving up on her although she thinks of me as a monster that scolds her and although I am being treated unfairly by her family members. I admit that I am stupid and silly because I love her that's why. I am not giving up trying to make her happy despite she has the phobia.
Saturday 6 October 2012
Hurt by Someone I Love
Have you ever felt so down until you do not feel like eating nor drinking after an incident? It is very common to me but just now was really really heart broken.
I text my girlfriend and there was no reply so eventually I text her like this "Hello?". I got the reply instantly and she said that I was being rude and lansi (arrogrant). I was never known as an arrogant guy furthermore lansi (Cantonese language of arrogant) is very harsh word to say. Seriously if my friends call lansi, I don't give a damn because they are just my friends. Friends come and go, if my "friend" wants to give me his lansi attitude by calling me lansi although I am not, I can just ignore him and he will not be my friend soon.
Unfortunately the word "lansi" came out from my girlfriend's mouth. I felt hurt and I have no idea why she did that to me. Just a simple "Hello?" can cause her to call me "lansi"? I never taught her that at all. I called her and ask her why she said that to me. She answered, "Because she likes it". My heart instantly breaks into two and I felt so miserable. She blames that I did not text her, "Honey are you there?" instead of "Hello?". I do not mind changing how she wants me to text her because that is what she wants then I will give it to her since I love her but calling me "lansi"? Is that necessary? Those harsh words from the girl I love who hates it if I say the F word is now calling me "lansi" just because its her choice and she likes it.
Owh well, it is her choice. She likes or loves to hurt my feelings then so be it. As long as I do not hurt her feelings then can already. Anyhow, I am being hated by her family members for no reason, she wants to hate me too I can't do anything but just to accept the fact that I am not good enough for her.
P.S. If you are reading this. Am I really that lansi to you just because I text you "Hello?"
I text my girlfriend and there was no reply so eventually I text her like this "Hello?". I got the reply instantly and she said that I was being rude and lansi (arrogrant). I was never known as an arrogant guy furthermore lansi (Cantonese language of arrogant) is very harsh word to say. Seriously if my friends call lansi, I don't give a damn because they are just my friends. Friends come and go, if my "friend" wants to give me his lansi attitude by calling me lansi although I am not, I can just ignore him and he will not be my friend soon.
Unfortunately the word "lansi" came out from my girlfriend's mouth. I felt hurt and I have no idea why she did that to me. Just a simple "Hello?" can cause her to call me "lansi"? I never taught her that at all. I called her and ask her why she said that to me. She answered, "Because she likes it". My heart instantly breaks into two and I felt so miserable. She blames that I did not text her, "Honey are you there?" instead of "Hello?". I do not mind changing how she wants me to text her because that is what she wants then I will give it to her since I love her but calling me "lansi"? Is that necessary? Those harsh words from the girl I love who hates it if I say the F word is now calling me "lansi" just because its her choice and she likes it.
Owh well, it is her choice. She likes or loves to hurt my feelings then so be it. As long as I do not hurt her feelings then can already. Anyhow, I am being hated by her family members for no reason, she wants to hate me too I can't do anything but just to accept the fact that I am not good enough for her.
P.S. If you are reading this. Am I really that lansi to you just because I text you "Hello?"
Wednesday 3 October 2012
Do You Know How I feel?
Each and everyday I wait for my angel to text me first because I am afraid that I would disturb her but it seems like no matter what I text her as in like asking questions whether has she eaten or not. there will not be any reply. Seriously I am sad because I felt like I am being neglected although she is busy. I know she has lunch break so I text her during lunch but no reply from her as well.
Just a text or two would make me happy. I know she is busy but hey I do feel sad. I cannot do anything but just to wait for her to reply me. But once she text me, it is like nothing had happen like that. I do not know whether she knows that I am waiting for her or not. The feeling is damn hurting when a person is missing and waiting for a special person.
I just wanna to talk to her for awhile because I want her to know that even though how busy or bored I am, I will find some time just to talk to her. I guess she would never know the desperate feeling. All I want to do is just to call her early in the morning just to wish her good morning, call her during her lunch breaks, call her once she is back from her college and call her before she goes to bed. I am an idiot at times but I just want to show her that I love her. I want her to have the feeling that I am there for her although I am in KL whereas she is in Ipoh. If I can't show her the love then I do not deserve to be with her. I really want to be with her that is why I am trying my very best to do what is right.
I am quite down for all I can say. That is how I feel and I do not want to have those feeling. I just hope she could just reply my text. I do not mind waiting but I hope she knows how I feel waiting for the one I love.
Just a text or two would make me happy. I know she is busy but hey I do feel sad. I cannot do anything but just to wait for her to reply me. But once she text me, it is like nothing had happen like that. I do not know whether she knows that I am waiting for her or not. The feeling is damn hurting when a person is missing and waiting for a special person.
I just wanna to talk to her for awhile because I want her to know that even though how busy or bored I am, I will find some time just to talk to her. I guess she would never know the desperate feeling. All I want to do is just to call her early in the morning just to wish her good morning, call her during her lunch breaks, call her once she is back from her college and call her before she goes to bed. I am an idiot at times but I just want to show her that I love her. I want her to have the feeling that I am there for her although I am in KL whereas she is in Ipoh. If I can't show her the love then I do not deserve to be with her. I really want to be with her that is why I am trying my very best to do what is right.
I am quite down for all I can say. That is how I feel and I do not want to have those feeling. I just hope she could just reply my text. I do not mind waiting but I hope she knows how I feel waiting for the one I love.
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