I just do not get it why am I always in the wrong according to her. My honey says that I do not love her, says that I did not try to make her happy, and always blames me for scolding her. Whatever I say or do it is always scolding her when I did not. I really really feel that I am not treated fairly. I love her so much that I could do anything for her. But she blames me for scolding her although I did not. She will dig up the issue that I scolded her when she was rude to me. I am only teaching her the right stuff and not the wrong stuff. I was being accused for teaching her saying a harsh word when I did not. She learned that word from her friends and I was blamed by her mom and sister. Life treats me unfairly but all I want is just to be happy with her. When she is sad I will try my best to make her happy but when I am sad she would not try to make me happy. Instead she wants me to make her happy when I am sad. I do not mind because I tolerate. I give and take. I know she wants to be happy only but she doesn't know that I am also sad that I need her by my side just to cheer me up.
Nevertheless I am really down at times when she keeps on doing things that gets on my nerves. My honey might thinks that I always want to be right and always want to show off that I am the best. To be honest that is not what I am showing. I just want to be happy with her and not showing that I am always right and she is always wrong. I do make mistakes too but I just hope that my honey knows what she is doing. She cannot make other people sad just because she wants to be happy. I want to be happy with her but I always get the blame that I scold her. I admit I scolded her yesterday in a fatherly way because she was too rude to me and today she says that I only know how to scold her. Damn it breaks my heart. I do not know how to reply her because whatever I reply or text her is consider scolding. What have I done that I have to deserve this type of treatment?
She keeps on calling her ex sweet names and I do not like it. The only reason was because she is used to it. Okay she is used to it but that doesn't mean that she could continue on that habit. Does she knows that I am really sad and heart broken? I had enough of bullshit that her parents hate me for no reason, her elder sister too hates me. Seriously what have I done?! I did nothing to her family members. I even respected them and of course I respect my honey as well. But with all the respect that I have given, they treat me as a threat, as an enemy, as a bad person. I really do not know how to open my mouth to tell my honey to stop blaming me that I scold her. Why can't she just understand that I do not want to scold but only wanted respect when I am giving respect to them?! I do not need royal respect. My respect is just treating me good when I am treating them good. That's all I needed. Nothing more and nothing less. That is all I have wanted, needed and longed for it because I do not mind being a fool. I do not mind other people making use of me but as long as I do not think that is too much then it will be alright.
God I really wish that my honey will change her way of thinking. She says that she got phobia that I will scold her. I thought she knows me the best since we know each other for more than 10 years but then whatever she is saying is not who I am. She doesn't want to me scolded that is why she said that. Others might think that I am self praising but I am only loving her the way that I was not loved. I am not blaming my parents but it is because of them and some of the couples that I have seen and known changed me. I do not want to treat my honey badly or the way she is not suppose to be treated by a guy. I do what is best for my honey and I hope I am giving good example to the younger generation as well because nowadays young couples tend to break up just because of minor stuff. Another thing is that my brother is dating my honey's younger sister too and as a brother I should show good example.
My life with her is always full of surprises and often rough but I am sure that God will seek to it and lead us to a happy life one fine day. As long as I am alive, I am not giving up on her although she thinks of me as a monster that scolds her and although I am being treated unfairly by her family members. I admit that I am stupid and silly because I love her that's why. I am not giving up trying to make her happy despite she has the phobia.
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